A Strengths-Based Approach to Paren3ng Developing the - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

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A ¡Strengths-­‑Based ¡ Approach ¡to ¡Paren3ng ¡

Developing ¡the ¡character ¡traits ¡our ¡ ¡ children ¡need ¡to ¡thrive!

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Try and Motivate Me

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Common Parenting Goals

• We want the best for our children
• We want them to experience success
• We want them to overcome challenges
• We want them to become socially and

ethically responsible

• We want them to develop clear and

realistic goals

• We want them to be happy, principled

and grounded

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Our Parenting Reality Is:

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Our Response

• Risk avoidant
• Fearful/Anxious
• Overly protective
• Overly involved
• Overly cautious
• Frustrated
• Pessimistic

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The Big Disconnect

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“ If we think our children are fragile and broken, they will live a fragile, broken

• life. If we believe they are strong and

wise, they will live with enthusiasm and

• courage. The way we parent our

children strongly influences the way they will live.”

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We Do Have A Choice

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What Is Our Goal?

Not to raise perfect children who have no worries and to safeguard them from every possible loss, heartache, and danger. Rather, our goal should be to raise strong children who can handle the bumps and bruises that the world inevitably has in store for them.

The goal is resilience, not invulnerability.

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A Strength Or A Risk

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Your Parenting Orientation

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Mapping An Experiential Journey GPS Parenting

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Pain-Based Behaviour

(Brendtro)

• Emotions – include inner states such as fear,

anger, sadness, disgust, hopelessness, helplessness, guilt, hatred, and shame.

• Thinking – may include distressing thought

processes such as worry, anxiety, distrust, pessimism, blame, vengefulness, denial, and unconstructive rationalization.

• Response-based behaviour - puts painful

emotions and thinking into action as an attempt to escape from pain.

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• Do we parent our children to survive?

OUTCOME FOCUSED - Continue to concentrate our energy on changing their behaviour and world around our children

THE CHALLENGE

OR

Do we parent our children to thrive?

PROCESS FOCUSED - Nurturing their capacity to navigate challenging situations and meet their needs in constructive ways

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Definition of Resilience

Often Described as: “… an ability to spring back and adapt to life’s challenges

Rather: … an active process of self- righting and personal growth - an attitude of hope and

• ptimism based upon a

growth mindset that applies to both challenging and constructive times.”

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Role of Resilience and Protective Factors

Who You Are? Family Peers Work Community

School

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C

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m it m e n t t

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e a r n i n g S c h

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C u l t u r e P e e r R e l a t i

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s h i p s

Bonding to School Adult Relationships C

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m u n i t y V a l u e s Y

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t h C a r i n g C

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m u n i t y Community Boundaries C a r i n g S c h

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C l i m a t e School Boundaries School Work School Engagement Achievement

Equity & Social Justice

Positive Peer Influence P

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i t i v e P e e r R e l a t i

• n

s h i ps H i g h E x p e c t a t i

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s Family School Involvement Caring Family A d u l t F a m i l y R

• l

e M

• d

e l s Family Communications

S

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i a l S e n s i t i v i t y E m p

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e r

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e n t S e l f

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t r

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C u l t u r a l S e n s i t i v i t y S e l f

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Caring Empathy Self- Esteem Self- Efficacy Planning & Decision Making Resistance Skills Restraint Safety Cultural Awareness Spirituality Acceptance

F a m i l y S u p p

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t

C

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m u n i t y C

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e s i v e n e s s F a m i l y S u p p

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t & E x p e c t a t i

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EXTERNAL STRENGTHS INTERNAL STRENGTHS

High Expectations

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Resiliency And Risk N = 60,000

7.9 6.2 5.2 4.0 2.7 2.0 0.0 2.0 4.0 6.0 8.0 10.0 12.0 14.0 00-05 06-10 11-15 16-20 21-25 26-30 Developmental Strengths Categories Average Number of At-Risk Behaviours

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Resiliency and Marijuana Use

Used Marijuana (In the Past Month) 52.1 42.4 29.2 17.7 11.4 6.0 0.0 10.0 20.0 30.0 40.0 50.0 60.0 70.0 80.0 90.0 100.0 00-05 06-10 11-15 16-20 21-25 26-30 Number of Developmental Strengths Percent

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Degree of Bullying (% 3

• r more)

13 25 38 50 Developmental Strengths 0 - 5 6 - 10 11-15 16 -20 21 - 25 26 -31

1 3 8 9 19 46 4 7 12 16 28 38

Males Females

Resiliency and Bullying

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Resiliency and Pro-Social 
 N = 60,000

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Patterns of Resilience (Under Stress and over Time) Strengths and Opportunities Options

Early Years 1 Teenage Years 3 Middle Years 2 Resilience 2: Enhanced Resilience 1: Overwhelmed Stressors

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• Focus on what is strong and not what is wrong in

their children

• Focus on preparing a child to walk the path
• Focus on connecting before directing
• Focus on promoting learning from mistakes
• Focus more on what is right and why it was right
• Focus on what their child is becoming - not what

they will be

• Focus on nurturing optimism and a growth mindset

A Strengths-Based Parenting Approach

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Stages of Parenting

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Stacking the Deck Against Risk

“The idea is to collaboratively work to create an “ecology” around children and youth that makes it increasingly difficult for certain high problem behaviours to survive.”

• W. Hammond

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Positive Social Skills – Knows how to develop and maintain a strong network of supportive, healthy relationships. Positive Coping Skills – An ability to successfully cope with stress and navigate life experiences that are unclear and/

• r uncertain.

Positive Adaptability – Has good problem solving skills and knows that making mistakes is part of life and a way to learn. Positive Determination – Does not give up easily and tries hard even when things get challenging. Positive Group Membership – The ability to understand and take action according to prevailing social expectations and/or one’s commitments.

Core Character Competencies Traits

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Positive Values and Principles – Knows that there are basic values of

“right” and “wrong” and uses them in their decisions making and coping behaviour. Positive Self-Esteem – Has a positive view of the future and a clear understanding of what their strengths are as well as how to use them in purposeful ways. Positive Emotional Awareness – Knows how to accurately identify, understand and express emotions in constructive ways. Positive Spark – Has a sense of enjoyment in particular activities and reflects as passion when engaged in them – creates a smile from inside. Positive Value Awareness – Is engaged in a curious exploration of their spiritual sense of self and its implications for ones purpose and meaning in life.

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Encouraging Growth Mindset Statements

• I like the way you handled that
• Wow, you really created a solution to that problem
• I have faith in your ability
• You're really showing me that you want to be responsible, I like

what you did when …

• I know you will figure out a good way to do it next time
• I trust you to do your best, I look forward to seeing what you

do

• You are an important part of our family
• I'm proud of you for trying, you took a smart risk and you

learned something new - awesome

• I know you're disappointed that you didn't win, it doesn't feel

good, but I bet if you try certain things you'll do better

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Strengths-Based Parenting

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Connect Inspire Facilitate Empower

Challenges

Strengths-Based Capacity Building

Reflect Explore Experience Thrive

Caring Process Student’s Process

Resilience

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Principles of Strength-Based Parenting

• An absolute belief that our children have potential and that their

strengths define them.

• A focus on a child’s “islands of competence” or strengths

creates hope and optimism.

• Knowing the need to choose our opportunities
• Understanding that change is inevitable - our children have the

innate desire to succeed and be their own person.

• Positive change occurs when our children know that we care for

them and will ‘be there’ unconditionally.

• Understanding our children’s perspective - or how they see the

world - is the most important starting point in the parenting process.

• Children feel more confident about the future when they start

with what they already know and can do.

• Strengths-based parenting is a process - a life long journey.

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Strategies for 
 Strengths-Based Parenting

1.Turn problems into learning opportunities - teach your children to fail to understand what real success is. (Please coach me. Don’t scold me) 2.Provide a purposeful and empathetic relationship (A person like me really needs a parent – but, try to walk in my shoes) 3.Learn to change your scripts and increase dosages of

• nurturance. (I

need to believe you really care) 4.Don’t crowd – Accept “me” for who I am. (When you get too close, I will back away for a while)

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• 5. Use the back door

(If you help me to do something important to me, you are important to me)

• 6. Decode the meaning of behaviour

(I try to hide what I really think.)

• 7. Be authoritative, not authoritarian.

(Don’t control me, Help me to control myself)

• 8. Model respect and compassion.

(Your values help to build mine)

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• 9. Enlist your child to help others

(I change when I see the value in others)

• 10. Touch in small ways

(I watch little things you do to discover who you are)

• 11. Give seeds time to grow.

(Please be patient with me – I’m still growing)

• 12. Connect your child to cultural and spiritual

roots (I need to know that there is a purpose for my life)

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We should ask ourselves:

• Do my messages convey and teach respect?
• Am I fostering realistic expectations?
• Am I helping my child to problem solve?
• Am I teaching empathy and compassion?
• Am I promoting self-discipline and control?
• Am I setting limits in ways that permit learning as oppose to

resentment?

• Am I validating what my child says?
• Do my children know that I value their input?
• Do my children know how special they are to me?
• Do my children know that mistakes are part of the process
• f learning?
• Am I comfortable in acknowledging my own mistakes and

apologizing for them?

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Facilitating Greatness

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Your Children Are Amazing - They Just Do Not Know It Yet - That’s Our Jobs As Parents “As parents, we need to prepare our children for the path they will inevitably have to walk - not to smooth out the path we think they should walk on.”

Wayne Hammond

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