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Welcome to this Mind Owl Workshop! Emotional Intelligence - An Introduction

We’re delighted you’ve made the step to join us on the journey to improving your emotional intelligence. This is the first of a number of workshops in the Emotional Intelligence series and is an introduction to the theme, creating a strong base to help you incorporate emotional intelligence into your everyday life. We’ll help you build an understanding of the topic so you feel equipped to better understand your own emotions and the emotions of others, hopefully leading to a happier, more enlightened and content reality. Our workshops are designed to be easy to digest, breaking down complex research and highlighting key points to provide just the right amount of knowledge to incorporate better emotional intelligence into your life. Our slides are available for you to study at your leisure, our trainer will delve into the detail

• f key areas and we provide links to further reading should

you want to learn more. We encourage reflection throughout (look out for this symbol where a question is posed.) You will also have a workbook to guide you through each section and help you work on your own journey.

Emotional Intelligence Workshop

At Mind Owl we work with a small team of expert trainers, specially selected to help bring our workshops to life.

MEET YOUR TRAINER

Joanna Rodriguez

Psychologist and CBT Therapist

www.joannarodriguez.co.uk

SESSION 1

WHAT WE’LL LEARN IN THIS SESSION

What is Emotional Intelligence?

• What EI is not
• Tools to support EI
• The difference between emotional intelligence and

being clever

• Introduction to emotions
• Why we tend to lack emotional intelligence
• The key qualities of being emotionally intelligent
• Why we need it
• How it benefits us

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Emotional intelligence is all about understanding emotions. Whether it be identifying your own feelings or reading and interpreting the moods of others. It is a skill that can come quite naturally to some, but not to everybody. It is also something that can be practiced and developed.Being emotionally intelligent is key to thinking clearly and creatively, managing challenges and communicating well with others.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

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WHAT EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS NOT

Being Positive All The Time Always Agreeing With Others Suppressing Emotions

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TOOLS TO SUPPORT EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

MIndfulness is all about being ‘in the moment’ and learning to be aware of, and tune into, our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and surroundings. Mindfulness

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CBT is a well established form of talking therapy used to help manage problems by changing the way you think and behave. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Neuroscience Neuroscience is the understanding of the structures in the brain and unconscious reasons for behaviours.

However, no matter how admired for their work, without any emotional intelligence people may struggle with aspects of their emotional and personal life. Emotions, and people, can be confusing and not knowing how to read them, manage them and deal with them can make life extremely difficult. Intelligence alone, or ‘being clever’, tends to refer to someone who is academic, has succeeded in their career, has the ability to successfully manage challenges and analyse and process information or is in a position of power.

A DIFFERENT TYPE OF INTELLIGENCE

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Imagine someone who is successful in business or at their job, but has issues with communication, people management or a disastrous personal life. These actions and qualities may be due to a lack of emotional

• intelligence. A lack of understanding their own feelings

and the feelings of others, and consequently inappropriate or unhelpful behaviours. Emotions are made up of thoughts, physical feelings and behaviour. Can you remember a time when emotions prevented you from doing something meaningful?

WHEN EMOTIONS GET IN THE WAY

Regular arguments and emotional

• utbursts. Inability to control feelings of
• anger. Possibly violent or physical
• utbursts.

RAGE

Feeling crushed by failure and disappointment in yourself or your

• actions. Feeling defeated, sad or even
• depressed. May have an extreme reaction

to criticism.

DISAPPOINTMENT

Blaming others, refusing to listen to other points of view. Feeling irritable, snapping and simply not having time for others or difficult situations.

INTOLERANCE

Physical feelings of dread (e.g. stomach turning over) or nervousness. Inability to relax, feeling worried or fearful.

ANXIETY

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THE LIST GOES ON

• Frustration
• Sadness
• Insecurity
• Fear

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• Envy
• Shame
• Despair
• Guilt

MEET HELEN

Helen got top grades during her studies and worked her way up the career ladder to a good job. She earns a high salary and is in a position of power. She is often stressed with work, working long hours. She is lonely as she has no time for friends. She no longer enjoys her job and longs to be creative. She takes this out on her colleagues and family by becoming easily annoyed and shuts them out. She is starting to become unpopular with her colleagues and is no longer able to comfort and support her family when they need her.

The Problem

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What qualities might Helen need to develop in

• rder to boost her EI?

KEY QUALITIES

For some people these qualities are inherent, for other they’re just out of practice and for many these skills need to be learnt - but they can become second nature.

Social Skills

Self-Awareness + Regulation

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• thers, having good communication
• skills. Having the ability to manage

Sensitivity + Empathy

• n below the surface, taking on board

WHY DO WE LACK EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?

Emotional intelligence is not taught at school and is mentioned little in society. In an ideal world we’d be shown how important it can be before we have the chance to make too many mistakes. Lack of Education There are many self-help books out there, often following the latest trend. However, few offer impactful advice that can really make a difference. Self-Help Books don’t quite ‘cut it’

If loved ones, friends or colleagues see someone struggling they may try to help but without the right tools and skills, this can be very

• difficult. They may also be battling

their own issues. Mind Owl - Emotional Intelligence Workshop

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Our consumer culture suggests everything is replaceable or fixable (shoes, relationships, productivity.) However removing

• r replacing negative behaviours or feelings is not that

simple. Consumer Culture

Managing stress, lifes challenges and relationships, and identifying how others do so, is important help us navigate through life. With better emotional intelligence we are better equipped to understand, and express how we feel. Understanding, being able to pick up on and read emotions allows us to live more harmoniously with others and also with

• urselves. It is essential for our own mental health and will

allow us to more successfully support others.

WHY DO WE NEED EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?

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With greater EI how could you better support a friend in need?

Feeling equipped to deal with a range of emotions that may arise day to day will help boost our confidence.

Confidence

Acting with thoughtfulness, honesty and empathy will encourage others to enjoy spending time with you.

Respect from Others

Practicing flexibility, tolerance, understanding and acceptance will help relationships to grow and flourish.

Better Relationships

An ability to practice effective teamwork, good communication skills and be proactive should help you thrive in a work environment.

Success at Work

How Can We Benefit Ourselves by being more Emotionally Intelligent?

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Reflection

Let’s reflect on reading the emotions of

• thers - do you feel that you can ‘read’ the

emotions of others effectively? Can you think of others in your life who may not be aware of his or her emotions? Let’s reflect on reading your own emotions

• how easy do you find this currently?
• How aware are you of your own feelings

and do you think you manage them effectively?

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SESSION 2

Emotions: key to an enriched human experience and the foundation of

• ur culture - poetry, art, plays. Often seen as rather black and white -

good emotions or bad emotions - it’s not quite that simple. There are a huge range of emotions and when striving to become emotionally intelligent it’s critical to understand why we experience them and how to use them constructively. ,

Emotions + Why We Have Them

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WHAT WE’LL LEARN IN THIS SESSION

All About Emotions

• The evolution of emotions through theories
• Maslow
• Knowing your Brain
• Charles Darwin
• James Gross
• Getting hooked
• Emotional agility
• Thinking fast and slow

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INTELLIGENCE IN EMOTIONS

Having emotional intelligence is the ability to both perceive and express emotion. It is understanding what emotions are and where they come from, how to reason with them, manage them and harness them. Emotions have a huge impact on how we think, our day to day experiences and our motivation. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Express + perceive emotions Use + harness emotions Understand + reason with emotions Regulate + manage emotions

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THE EVOLUTION OF EMOTIONS

Maslow’s Pyramid is a well known base for many psychology theories. The base of the triangle features needs such as warmth and food as well as

• safety. As we reach the third sector we enter our

‘spiritual’ needs. Need for belongingness and love, admiration and respect. Chiefly, at the top, self- actualisation represents the desire to “live according to one’s full potential.” Why this matters for Emotional Intelligence. This very simple concept helps us to easily understand the complex needs and emotions of us humans. Without physiological and safety needs being met we can’t work on the spiritual needs which are heavily linked to emotions. Likewise we can’t focus on reaching our potential as individuals without a solid base of our basic social and steem needs being met.

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Session 2 Safety Physiological Self- Actualisati

• n

Esteem Social

KNOWING YOUR BRAIN

Neuropsychology is a branch of psychology that studies how the brain and nervous system affect how we function

• n a daily basis and the relationship between the structure

and functioning of the brain - vital for emotions. Dr. Rick Hanson identifies the human brain in three parts. He explains that keeping all three animals happy is key to emotional intelligence.

Lizard Brain Mouse Brain Monkey Brain

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Emotions to Survive

If you saw a wolf in the wild hissing and growling you’d feel scared and read the wolf’s behaviour as “stay away” or “I’m not happy” allowing you to understand what you need to do next to survive - i.e. run!

The Letters

Naturalist, Charles Darwin proposed that emotions developed in order to allow humans to survive, protect and

• reproduce. Emotions motivate people to

respond quickly providing a better chance of survival.

The Letters

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This could refer to something physical and obvious happening but could be something in your mind, a thought or memory.

• 1. Situation

Paying attention to a situation may differ person to person or time to time depending on what else is going on and how you perceive things.

• 2. Attention

An assessment of the situation in relation to your goals. There’s space for lots of ambiguity here as our appraisals are closely linked to our emotional response.

• 3. Appraisal

The response, emotions can be experiential, behavioral, and

• neurobiological. Your response may also

feed back into the situation.

• 4. Response

4 STEPS TO EMOTION

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This model of emotions by James Gross suggests that emotions are the result of experiencing a situation, paying attention to what’s happening, reviewing or appraising whether it’s relevant to your own personal goals… then, your following response is the emotion.

System One: Fast, automatic thoughts. Often heavy with emotion. Ruled by habit and easily get us ‘hooked!’ Gut responses like this may be accurate based on practice but are unreliable and

• ften have a dark side.

System Two: Slower and more deliberate thoughts. Require more effort and are also more flexible. This system allows us to create space between the stimuli and the response and the

• pportunity to act appropriately.

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The psychologist Daniel Kahneman described the human mind as operating in two basic modes of thought.

THINKING FAST + SLOW

As humans, we like to fit things into predefined categories - it can be helpful. However it can also lead to snap judgements and living by a ‘rule of thumb.’ This can mean we make decisions or actions inaccurately or based on little evidence, leading to bad choices or stereotyping. ead to his can

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Can you think of a time where you have made a quick, automatic judgement?

The Bait Is Always There

Everyday we experience ‘hooks’ such as a tough conversation with a colleague, a tricky chat with a relative, an upcoming presentation or simply just the busy train commute. These situations can create an automatic response of emotions. These kind of ‘snap’ reactions can be traced back to the survival instincts we mentioned earlier - “I am under threat - what are my options?”

WHEN EMOTIONS TAKE OVER: HOOKS (thinking fast)

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‘Hooks are your emotional triggers’. FOUR MOST COMMON HOOKS

Blaming your thoughts for your behaviour. E.g. “I thought I’d sound stupid, so I didn’t speak.” However thoughts alone do not cause actions, we cause the action.

THOUGHT BLAMING

A term for excessive internal chatter, that can jump from one thought to another, to

• another. Common to imagine the worst

case scenario or get stuck on replaying thoughts.

MONKEY MINDEDNESS

If you have had to adapt to a certain way of thinking or acting due to your environment

• r other people’s behaviour towards you

you may be stuck believing that you can’t change.

OLD, OUTGROWN IDEAS

Being obsessed with proving that you are right can start to take over. It may affect you relationship with others, clutter your mind and distract your focus.

WRONGHEADED RIGHTEOUSNESS

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Getting hooked begins when you accept thoughts as facts - “I’m not good at this, I always mess it up.” You may then repeat the thought or try to avoid the situation - “I’m not even going to try.” You may try to will the thoughts or feelings away - “I shouldn’t be feeling like this.” All this internal chatter gets exhausting. A mixture of judgement and evaluations intensified by emotions, sometimes positive, sometimes negative but rarely neutral or reasonable.

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What are your hooks? Why might they have developed into hooks for you?

EMOTIONAL AGILITY

Emotional Intelligence is about understanding and learning from our emotions, even the most difficult ones…. … to do this we need flexibility or ‘emotional agility.’ We’re all different, we all feel differently and behave differently. However, being able to recognise and move past your ‘hooks’ and respond appropriately and in line with your own values is the core of becoming emotionally intelligent.

Flexibility

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Reflection

Let’s reflect on hooks and how we can better manage them - can you identify your

• wn ‘hooks’ and which category they fit

into? How might you be able to use ‘system two’ to slow down emotional responses?When might learning some emotional agility be a good thing? Let’s reflect on how and why our emotions arise - what are the key emotions you experience day to day? Which emotions would you like to further understand? Can you begin to identify why they appear?

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