Single women household heads in Dakar and Ouagadougou: material - - PDF document

1 Single women household heads in Dakar and Ouagadougou: material conditions and subjective experience of an atypical situation Laure Moguérou (UPO/IRD), Madeleine Wayack-Pambè (Université Ouaga I Pr Joseph KISSP) and Madon Awissi-Sall (ANSD) In many West African countries, the economic crisis of the1990s was reflected in a shift to more diverse family models, one of the main shifts being an increase in the number of households headed by women, especially in the capital cities (Pilon et al., 1997; Bisilliat, 1996). In Dakar, Senegal, the 2013 population census recorded 28.9% of households as being headed by women, as against 25% in 2001 and 16% in 1989 according to biographical surveys conducted there (Adjamagbo et al, 2004). Similar trends were found in Burkina Faso's capital, Ouagadougou, where the proportion of urban households headed by women doubled between 1975 and 2006, from 8.2% to 15%. Research into the feminization of household heads has been guided by two major

• questions. As with studies of single-parent families in Western countries (Sechet et

al., 2003), some have set out to measure the links between family configuration and

• poverty. Others, considering that these women are acquiring prerogatives that

usually fell to men, wondered whether the situation of women household heads and the increase in their numbers were driving social change in terms of gender relations and the definition of family roles (Pilon, 1996; Adjamagbo et al., 2004.) The research reveals a wide variety of situations. In West Africa, the incidence of poverty does not seem to be routinely higher among women household heads than among men in that role. There are wide differences according to the age and marital status of the women. In a recent study based on the Burkina Faso census of 2006, Wayack-Pambè and Moussa (2014) showed that in Ouagadougou, households headed by widows and the oldest women were in far more unfavourable conditions than those headed by men or other categories women. However, the youngest and best-educated women household heads were invariably the best-off. Household composition also has an impact on living conditions: on average, women household heads have more dependents and in that regard seem more vulnerable that male household heads (Bop, 1996; Kébé and Charbit, 2007). The research has also demolished the idea that women household heads are always women liberated from "the oppressive structures that perpetuate male domination" (Adjamagbo & Calvès, 2012). Mondain et al (2012) showed that in Senegal, migrants' left-behind wives were very often economically dependent on the migrant's mother or brothers. In Senegal and Burkina Faso alike, widows are often placed under the responsibility of another male member of the family-in-law and sometimes forced to marry one of them (Enel & Pison, 2007; Taverne, 1996; Ouedraogo,1998). In Senegal, divorce leads to a transitory period, an interlude in marital life: rates of remarriage are very high (Dial, 2008). Opinion is divided over situations where a woman is not cohabiting with her polygamous husband: it is certainly an aspect of "the modern side of marriage" (Locoh, 2002), but it can hardly be considered a liberation from male dominance. These studies have addressed the situation of married or formerly married women but have ignored that of single women who are household heads. These women are still a minority, certainly, but their numbers are growing in West Africa's capital cities. In this paper we look at the material conditions and subjective experience of single female household heads, whose situation is a particularly marginal one. After a brief review of the literature on single women in sub-Saharan Africa we describe the profiles of single women who declared themselves to be household heads in the

2 most recent population censuses in Dakar (2013) and Ouagadougou (2006). We then take a closer look by analyzing in-depth interviews that were conducted with a few of these particularly atypical women. Single women household heads: a neglected aspect of the new family dynamics in West Africa Reading the literature on family systems in sub-Saharan Africa, the first thing we notice is that there is almost no mention of single women, or of single women household heads in particular. This is hardly surprising when we consider how strongly the roles of wife and mother are prescribed for women in African societies, and most especially in Sahelian societies. As marriage plays a central role in determining the social status of both men and women, permanently singlehood is an extremely marginal phenomenon. Unmarried status is thought of as a temporary, transitory condition, especially for women, so it has remained a fringe issue in studies of family dynamics in West Africa. However, the process of union formation had undergone some profound upheavals in West Africa in the past 30 years, in Burkina Faso and Senegal particularly. These changes, reflecting the evolution of gender relations as a result of increased female education and high urbanization rates in these countries, include a trend towards marrying at a later age. In less than 20 years, between 1993 and 2010, the proportion of single women in the 20-24 age group almost tripled in Burkina Faso, from 6.4% to 17.1%, while in Senegal in 2010-2011 more than a third (38%) of women in that age group were not yet married (Marcoux & Antoine, 2014). The more highly educated the women, the greater the increase. These trends point to a need for a closer look at the condition of single women, whether household heads or not. Being a single woman beyond a certain age is still not well accepted socially and being a never-married female household head is even more of a challenge to West African social norms. Whether the household head is defined as the person who "has authority over the running of the household and holds decision-making power

• n issues concerning household members" (Wayack-Pambé, 2012: 94) or the one

who "provides the bulk of the household's resources", it is a status rarely granted to women and still less to young, single women. In societies where there is a strict division of roles by generation and by genders, such women are socially disqualified from the role both by their age and by their marital status. In practice, women are generally only household heads as substitutes for husbands who have died, migrated or are otherwise absent. Even where the husband is absent and the women is providing for the family and managing it day to day, many still refuse to call themselves the head of the household and attribute that role to a male household

• member. Also, for a young single woman to have authority over the household she

must have residential independence, and in Senegal this is rare because women's sexuality is still kept under firm social control owing to the ideal of virginity at marriage (Adjamagbo et al, 2004). And finally, because of the low status of the unmarried and the stigma against women living alone, single women who are household heads may hesitate of say so when questioned for surveys or censuses (Hertrich & Lardoux,2014). There has been little research into these situations, probably because they have been so marginal. But their incidence is increasing fast and this raises some

• questions. According to the latest censuses in Burkina Faso (2006) and Senegal

(2013), the percentages of female household heads who were single were 8.1% and

3 6.5% respectively – twice as high as a few decades earlier1. Such situations are far more common in towns than in rural areas: in Ouagadougou, 21% of women household heads were single (Wayack-Pambé, 2012); in Senegal too there is a gap between the capital (9.7%) and the rest of the country (6.5%), though it is much less

• marked. Recent studies have shown that more and more women, especially urban

women who have been to school, aspire to economic independence and do not see marriage and motherhood as the only means to self-fulfilment (Adjamagbo & Calvès, 2012). Women are also reported to want more control over their incomes and more

• f a voice in household decisions than in the past (Mondain & Randall, 2014). These

combined trends prompted us to think about the connection between the status of single women household heads and the process of empowerment, in the feminist sense of that word, i.e. "a multidimensional process of transformation, coming from women themselves and enabling them to become aware, individually and collectively, of the power relations that marginalize them, and so to develop their capacity to transform them" (Calvès, 2009). In other words, do these situations reflect a conscious rejection by these women of patriarchal domination and traditional attitudes to marriage? Do the women concerned think of their situation as a form of social success? Or do they, like their divorcee compatriots (Dial, 2008), see it as unenviable and hope it is transitory? What place do labour market participation and educational level have in these women's decision to set up their own home? What do their families and contact circles think of them? Before trying to answer these questions, we will sketch a broad profile of these women based on the data from the most recent censuses in Senegal and Burkina Faso. Single women household heads in Dakar and Ouagadougou: definitions and profiles. The definitions of household and household head are not exactly the same in Senegal and Burkina Faso, though they are close. In the Senegalese handbook for census interviewers the household is defined as "a group of persons, related or not, who live together under the same roof and pool all or part of their resources to meet their basic needs, particularly for food and lodging. The members of a household generally take their meals together and acknowledge the authority of one person, the household head" (ANSD, 2013). In Burkina Faso, the ordinary household is described as "the basic socio-economic unit in which members may or may not be

• related. They live together, in the same compound, pooling resources and meeting

most of their food and other vital needs collectively. They acknowledge one of their number as the household head, regardless of his or her gender" (INSD,2006). While the definitions used for the two censuses share some criteria like living in the same dwelling and sharing expenditure on "basic needs", the Senegalese census adds that household members "generally take their meals together" while the Burkinabe census is vaguer in this regard ("meeting most of their food needs (...) collectively"). These differences are not unconnected with household size, which is particularly large in Senegal and smaller in Burkina Faso. Meal preparation is a different social event in the two countries. In Senegal, those living in the same compound share the platter while in Burkina Faso each nucleus or domestic unit in the compound makes their own meals. In the examples given below (after the definitions of basic concepts), we will find that the same situation, where parents live with their married offspring, is understood differently. In Senegal they are all members of the same household, whereas in Burkina Faso the parents are regarded as one household and the married son with his family a separate one.

1 In Senegal, the percentage had more than doubled in a decade: it was 3.2% in 2002. In Burkina

Faso, it rose from 5.6% in 1985 (Pilon, Mama & Tichit, 1997) to 8.1% in 2006.

4 But above all, the Senegal census stresses the authority of the household head, whereas the Burkinabe census emphasizes the fact that household members "acknowledge one of their number as the household head, regardless of his or her gender". So in Burkina Faso, interviewers allow from the start that the household head may be a woman, and the idea of authority, which is strongly associated with men, does not enter so much into their assessment of the situation2. Single women being generally regarded as "social minors", it would be difficult in Senegal to consider an unmarried woman with some degree of financial independence as a household head, whereas she could more easily declare herself such or be recorded as such in Burkina Faso. But the statistical difference between the two cities – the percentage of household heads who are single women is twice as high in Ouagadougou as in Dakar (21% v. 9.6%) – is perhaps mainly due to the very vague definition of marital status in the Burkinabe census, because there is a higher proportion of women household heads as such in the Senegalese capital (28.9%) than in the Burkinabe capital (15%). The 2006 Burkinabe census interviewers' handbook defines a single person as "a man or woman who has never been married and who does not currently live with a woman

• r a man, as the case may be" (INSD, 2006:27). It does not specify whether the

marriage in question is religious, common law, civil or all three. Table 1. Profile of women household heads

Dakar Ouagadougou Single women HH All women HH Single women HH All women HH Aged under 40 64.2 33.4 84.1 45

• incl. under 35

47 19.6 70.8 29.5 Higher education 16.3 7.4 22.1 10.1 Average household size 3 6 2 4 With child/children 23 59 Seeking employment 6.9 6.4 5.8 2.1 In education/training 6 1.1 10 2.8 At home 19.1 42.6 16.4 38.5 Working 68.0 49.9 67.8 56.6 incl. Employees 55.6 34.4 56.3 39.9 Employers 5.6 3.7 2.3 2.4 Independent 35.4 59.2 39.2 56.1 Sources: Senegal census (RGPHAE) 2013; Burkina Faso census (RGPH) census 2006 Population: Women household heads aged 25 to 50

From Table 1, showing the profiles of single women household heads, we see that in both Dakar and Ouagadougou the single ones are on average younger than the rest. They are also more highly educated: in Dakar 16.3% of single women household heads had pursued their education beyond high school, compared to 7.4% of other women household heads. In Ouagadougou, the figures were 22.1% for single women household heads and 10.4% for other women household heads. They live in small households: in Dakar they head households of an average of 3 people (compared to 6 for other women household heads), and in Ouagadougou 2 people (compared to 5). Only a small proportion have children, in either capital. And most of them are in work (68% in both towns) or are seeking employment (about 6%) or in

2 Even so, the Burkinabe handbook does say that "In general a household consists of a man, his wife

• r wives, his unmarried children, other kin and unmarried servants, living together." (INSD, 2016: 11-

12). This does establish a norm for the census records that the household head would primarily be a man.

5 education or training (6% in Dakar, 10% in Ouagadougou); fewer of the other women household heads are in these situations. Most single women household heads who are in work are employees (56%), whereas other women household heads are more likely to be independent workers. So we see that the single women household heads possess several characteristics that indicate independence: they are better educated, more likely to be in work than

• ther women household heads, and more likely to have employee status. Given the

importance of the roles of wife and mother for women in Senegal and Burkina Faso, these young women are defying the social laws and norms prevailing in their countries in several respects. We conducted a set of semi-directive interviews to find

• ut how these women in Dakar and Ouagadougou experience their particularly

marginal status. Perceptions and experience of a marginal situation The selection of participants to interview was based an analysis of the main characteristics of the single women household heads in the census data. The women selected were single, in their thirties, had educational qualifications and were in work. They were thus the most typical of this atypical group. All could be called, or claim to be, household heads because they were either living independently or were financially independent. It was not easy to find women with all these characteristics. Resistance came first from the two interviewers to whom the survey areas were delegated (both were women). In Dakar the instructions given were deliberately vague. We asked the interviewer to find, through her contact network, single women whom they regarded as household heads. Her immediate retort was that "that kind of woman doesn't exist!", because according to the norm in Senegal, a single woman cannot live on her own, even if she has the means to do so. In Ouagadougou, the instruction was to interview single women household heads so as to understand their situation. The interviewer's reply was instant: "Oh! It won't work if we approach them that way (highlighting their single status)! They won't want to talk to us." The interviewers' initial reactions confirm the low status of women household heads, and single women, in both capitals. In the end, using the statistics to argue that such women do exist, and approaching potential interviewees through social contacts and presenting the survey as academic research into women household heads in general, we were able to get interviews with ten women3. But we have only analyzed four interviews from each

• town. In fact, several of the women proved to not really fit the profiles we were

looking for; some, although financially independent, were living with their family and did not contribute to the rent and food expenses, so could not be regarded as household heads. Others were too old or were not in economically active. The women whose statements we analyze here were aged between 30 and 37 at the time of the interviews (see Table 2, appended). They all had higher education qualifications (at least two years post high school) and were in management jobs or were employers. All the women in Ouagadougou, but only one of the Dakar women, were single mothers. In Ouagadougou, all the interviewees were living completely independently and defined themselves as heads of their households. They described this situation in terms of a deliberate striving for independence, leaving the family compound to live in their own home, or perpetuating a position as household head that they originally acquired when they moved to town to study. In Dakar the situations were more ambivalent and the interviewees could be seen as "almost but

3 We mean to continue this work in both cities.

6 not quite" household heads: "breadwinners", mostly living with family members older than themselves, paying all or part of the housing expenses or being named in the lease as the main tenant. Living with people who were is some position of authority

• ver them by right of seniority, they may not have declared themselves, or been

recorded as, household heads in the census.

• 1. Differences between the two cities in social acceptance and the

women's experience While the Burkinabe women took responsibility for their situation and were at ease with it, the Senegalese women seemed less happy with it. Ndeye Awa said that being a single woman "is tough, it's a constraint (...) when I see my friends, or my little sister (married women running a home) it hurts, it's hard." Their social circle did much to shape this negative experience. The Dakar women were constantly at the receiving end of comments by family, friends and work colleagues. Ndeye Awa said that "they (family and close contacts) often say there's an age for having children, that I'm not young any more, that I ought to think of getting married because it's time, (I ought to) stop driving men away and agree to marry ... I hear all kinds of things ... when I go to the village I hide at home, I don't want to go out (I avoid) the reproaches of the neighbours and my social circle, and it's always the same reproaches." For Mame Awa, living alone was "stressful" precisely because of "the looks and the questions people ask". Her friends often teased her and reproached her for not wanting to marry, for being too difficult. Her sisters called her to

• rder and told her to marry soon, especially as she already had a child4:

"According to them I must get some dignity (djom) to keep enemies from laughing at me." Mame Diarra bore the burden of the last words her father spoke on his deathbed: "He would have liked to die knowing that I was wed and settled." Her brothers and sisters, family, friends and neighbours were constantly making remarks: that she underestimated people, that she was big-headed, that she was possessed and made one conquest after another. "They say I must stop making eyes at men up and taking advantage of them, that I'm possessed by a spirit (...), that I should go and see a marabout". They told her "that it's time I got married, (that I am) getting old." Salimata mentioned especially "workmates (...) especially male colleagues, who are constantly making remarks." In Burkina Faso, there are numerous rumours about single women who live on their

• wn, accusing them of prostitution, calling them "women on the make who take

advantage of men", or difficult women, ill-tempered or big-headed. The women interviewed knew these rumours well, but they seemed fairly detached about the what-will-people-say aspect. Mariam, for example, said "I don't have any problem with that: I know there are people who say a girl who lives on her own and this and that, people will always interpret things, but well, I don't have any problems with that

• personally. (...) it's what people say, it's what I hear, but not directly about me,

4 When she fell pregnant her aunt and uncle could not accept it and turned her out of the family home.

Since then she has been living with an older sister. She did not choose to get pregnant before marriage: "Nobody wants to have a child out of wedlock".

7 they say that in general." Hortense reported her friends' remarks: "People think you are too picky, you're difficult, they think you're ill-tempered and that's why you're still alone, that you must have some defect (...) they think you are stuck-up.". But she says that "the social circle isn't important to me." The Ouagadougou women, unlike those in Dakar, were not subjected to constant pressure by their families and friends. But they were all living independently and said that if they had stayed in the family home they would not have been respected. By moving out to their own homes they had removed themselves from family pressures and hence from the prevailing negative view of single mothers (which they all were). Odile said that relations with members of the family household, her father especially, became tense when her pregnancy was discovered (she hid it as long as she could). Things calmed down once the baby was born, but she left the family compound on the death of her parents: "If you're at home with your little brothers and sisters5 you end up not being respected. (...) They find you are past marriageable age and as you're not getting married, nobody respects

• you. (...) You live better on your own!" But as Hortense admitted, "it's not

always easy for women living alone, from the safety angle and also other people, who lack respect; (unlike for) a man, (whom) nobody would think of reproaching for living alone." Even so, the Ouagadougou women saw their situation in a fairly positive light and made no apologies for it. Odile, for example, said proudly that "a man can never do what a woman does". The difference between these women's experiences in Ouagadougou and Dakar are connected with the situations that led them to become household heads: in Dakar, it was usually by chance (except for Ndeye Awa who was turned out of the family home when she fell pregnant). Setting up their own home seems to be unthinkable for most young women in Dakar. But the women in Ouagadougou said they had knowingly chosen independence. Many had no choice: they had to leave home to study in Ouagadougou, but they continued to live alone after getting their degrees. Others had chosen to leave home when they started earning their living. Aicha: At a certain point, I said to myself, I'm of age now, I'm ready to stand

• n my own two feet, and if our parents brought us into the world it's to comfort

them, it's to free ourselves (...) so we shouldn't continue to impose our presence on them (...) I decided to move out, to go and live on my own, I chose to leave my parents because I have an income that allows me to take charge of myself."

• 2. Is marriage an inevitable stage in a woman's life?

The Senegalese women were all in anxious expectation of marrying; except for one, who said it was better to be on your own than in bad company, they all held by the adage that Ndeye Awa cited: " sa jeukeur ju bonn ji mo geunn sa faar bu baax bi": "My bad husband is better than my good boyfriend". The young women interviewed in Dakar were finding their situation hard to deal with, even though they were educationally and occupationally successful and their material contributions were essential for meeting their families' needs. Asked whether, as is often said in West Africa, happiness for a woman is to marry and have children, the responses were unanimous: For Salimata, "It's true, because it's every woman's prayer (...) I too dream of marrying and having children (...) marriage is sacred (...) It's not easy to live in a household, but one has to resign oneself to it". Mame Awa bore her

5 She is referring to her cousins.

8

• ut: "In our Senegalese life they say if you don't have a husband you have no

wealth ("ku amul jeukeur amo dara") (if you have no husband you have nothing)." But in actual fact the Senegalese women's positions were more ambivalent than appears on the surface: they hoped to marry and "have a status" but some of them, like Salimata, admitted that "being single is good, you owe nothing to anyone, you're free! (...) you're not stressed out by things at home". Their talk of supporting the institution of marriage reflects the weight of the social norms that forbid women to live alone by choice. The young women often justified their status as being God's will. Although all the Senegalese women interviewed considered marriage beyond question, for the Burkinabe women it was more of an option; they too wanted to get married, but that was not a priority and they could imagine staying single. Aicha said, "A husband is a good thing but that isn't an end in itself," adding that "you shouldn't get married for the sake of it (...) I had babies without marrying and it's not a problem (...) if you meet the only one for you, then you marry, but otherwise..." For Hortense, "If a marriage prospect turns up, then you marry, but if it doesn't happen, never mind." Odile thought that "you can't make a husband! (...) a husband is a bonus but one can perfectly well do without." And added, "Happiness for a woman isn't necessarily marriage. A woman's happiness is first of all a good job, and children (...) A husband is a good thing but that's not an end in itself (...) marriage is because we're in Africa and its' an obligation;

• therwise it's more and more discouraging when you look at today's

households." She says, "Men aren't serious (...) when they see a woman earning her living, they say to themselves, I'll help her spend her money (...) I take my money for my daughter, not for a man." For Burkinabe women, this relative distance from the obligation to marry is bolstered by her concern for her children and their education. The women interviewed in Ouagadougou, all of them young mothers, devoted most of their incomes to their children and did not want to risk that changing if they got married. They had also tasted independence and were not ready to give it up. Hortense explained that "when you are in a household it's always the man who is the household head (who takes the decisions), so I can't (...) there are a lot of (married) women who are not happy, they don't have happiness even though they have a home and children. Quite the contrary, perhaps it's that that torments them. Happiness isn't necessarily tied to that."

• 3. In both capitals, these women set great store by their work and the

independence it brings them Although they highly valued marriage (and the accompanying compliance with social norms), the Senegalese interviewees did not want to marry for the sake of it, and had put more focus on their education and finding stable employment6. All the women interviewed, in Dakar and in Ouagadougou, were very attached to their work and the independence it had brought them. Ndeye Awa did not want "to depend on anyone; our father taught us from when we were little to be independent, to get along without help from anyone". Mariam acknowledged that "People say this and that (that a woman's happiness is to marry and have children); well, they're not entirely wrong, but

6 They were reaching an age where marriage would become a necessity if they were to really take

their place in society and not lose face once and for all.

9 they're not 100% right either, because a woman must work. To me, she needs to work; it's true that having children is very important, marrying is very important, but working is also very important. So all three (are necessary)". Hortense took the same position: "The woman must work (...) There are always social impediments but women are more and more enterprising, they just need to be supported (...) Women in Burkina are fighters, they will always manage (...) even so, the men too have understood that the country cannot develop with only the men...". Like her two compatriots, Odile thought that "the woman has always been the head of the household (...) I always say woman has always been above man, a man can't compare with a woman, a man can never do what a woman does. She can fulfil both roles, going out to bring in money and taking care of the children, but for a man, it's not that simple! (...) I'd like to change (the way society sees independent women) but is that possible in Africa? Anyway, I think there will be plenty of problems because women will end up telling men to go to hell!" To work is to be free to decide how to spend the money one has earned, and the interviewees thought women manage money better than men. Hortense said: "Men and women don't have the same priorities. Women put the focus on the home (...) Women and men don't have the same needs (...) anyway when you're a woman (...) there is no spending on beer (...) A woman manages a household better, the woman's priority is the wellbeing of the

• family. (...) For instance, when I was in high school, the girls in my class

whose mothers were working (...) When you saw them, they were better dressed, better shod, they were shinier than those of us whose mothers were housewives, so I think it can't be the same." Earning money also means being able to help one's parents and family; these young women were very proud of doing that. For Mariam, "Work! Working is very important to me, it's the most important thing (...) you have to work to be able to look after your parents." Aicha said the same: "Working means everything to me (...) it means I can take care of my family, myself, dress myself, meet my own needs, take care of my children, help my parents. It's me that pays my brother's school fees (...) (With the money I earn), I take care of everything, I take charge of myself, what I earn enables me to help my parents, help my brothers for their schooling." For Mame Awa, helping one's parents is a fair return: "If we have a job or a business we should manage it properly, especially as the people who enrolled us in school had expectations of us. We have to work to pay them back. (...) After our degrees, we all need to work so meet our needs. Even if our husband doesn't do that, we can do it and then especially we can help our family." It may be that for single women household heads, financial help for the parents is a way of buying peace. Redistributing their earning within their kin group puts them in a position of social seniority (Attané, 2011), which in turn legitimizes their status as a woman living on her own. As Aicha said, "I think, well, we're in Burkina, in Africa, and the ideal would have been to live together with others, because living alone, it also leads to egoism and individualism, but if you're well educated that doesn't happen, one is living apart but one is sociable, one is part of a community, there's no problem."

10 While the Burkinabe women claimed the right to work and earn their livings, to preserve their independence, the Senegalese women seemed more pragmatic: to them, in today's urban conditions, with a rising cost of living, it was necessary for women to work. Mame Diarra explained that "In the period we are living in, I think it is no longer possible (for women to stay at home to look after the house and the children), even the people who believed that are changing now! (...) because they know life is hard. Living costs are very high. Yes, there are some things men can't do any more (...) like the day to day expenses: men used to pay that, the water and electricity bills, the maid and all that. My mother didn't know about that side, it was my father who brought in everything and did everything (...) but now we know a man's income just isn't enough to run a household." Salimata said "If she is living in very good conditions, the woman doesn't need to work. She can stay at home, manage her husband and children. But nowadays it's hard to make both ends meet, the woman has to work."

• 4. The ideal man: understanding. In the couple, man and women each in

their place Asked what kind of man they were looking for, all the women said they wanted to find a man who was "understanding and open-minded", i.e. one who "doesn't prevent the woman from working." Odile, for example, said that "A man that doesn't want me to work, he'll leave me be." Some told of past relationships cut short precisely because the men they went out with "did not understand" them and would not let them move ahead. The Senegalese women reported relationships with men who were older than them and were married or living abroad: Ndeye Awa was in a relationship with a married man 30 years older than her; Mame Awa with a migrant living in Australia and recently divorced; Salimata with a man who went to and fro between Senegal and Italy. They could make do with distance, and even polygamy, as these things left them some freedom. They also expected their men-friends to help them (financially) in their work or business. The Burkinabe and Senegalese women both thought that housework was a female

• prerogative. As Hortense pointed out, "You're not going to ask your husband to

pound the 'sumbala'!". They had no demands for a fairer sharing of the work in the house – perhaps because they saw that as inevitably a losing battle. Aicha said that "as regards housework, we mustn't fool ourselves, our Burkinabe men (...) will never change. They are brought up like that, their mothers bring them up that way (...) There are men who realize, and who give a helping hand, but people say 'Paag la yiiri' (woman is house and home) and that's not going to change, is it." Perhaps also because they think they are better at it than men. As Mariam pointed out, "a woman must work but not be so busy she forgets what's to be done at home. (...) They can help each other, but it's rare! And then, a man can cook, but I want to be able to cook for my man and my children." Ndeye Awa agreed: "It's the woman who should do the housework and domestic tasks. Even though I work, I must to the housework because that's my role as a woman. It's not a man's job to manage the domestic tasks; if he does, it's all to the good, but I wouldn't expect my husband to do any

• housework. (...) Our grandmothers and mothers were model wives, they lived

11 that way, looking after their husbands and children, and why shouldn't we? I'd do the same." In any case sharing household tasks like cleaning and cooking is not a realistic proposition and seems not to be dreamed of. Our interviewees, Burkinabe and Senegalese alike, all thought that "work shouldn't prevent a woman fulfilling her role as wife and mother." Ndeye Awa said "(when you are married) you have to plan your tasks because single life and married life are not the same; a great deal is expected

• f a married woman ... I would know how to manage things well, I'd look after

my husband and children properly, I'd come back early from work to prepare the meal (...) It will be very tough but I will organize myself to manage it, I'll reconcile the two (work and family); but I would never stop working to take care of the home (...)". Mame Awa thought that "one must do one's work and run the home". Mariam hoped to have a job "preferably in public administration, because it is harder in the private sector to reconcile work and family life" (especially taking care of the children). Although they did not expect their husbands to do any of the housework, these young women almost all expected to have a servant to help. Salimata explained: "Here in Senegal, we're not used to seeing a man do housework, that's always a woman's role; but if a man does help with domestic tasks that's a bonus, but if he doesn't, it's the woman's role (...). (If he does not help) I'm not going to fully take on my women's role, for all the household details I will find a maid to do some things in my place; the main thing is that at the end of the month, my husband gives me some money to pay the maid." Odile agreed: "As to domestic tasks, well, the man, I don't like it when a man does housework, (...) he's the man, I'm the one that should do that work, so I always do, out of love, and I get a servant to help me." The expenses, on the other hand, are the man's responsibility, especially in the Senegalese women's opinion. According to them, the "ideal" man is one with a sound financial grounding. While the woman must "look after her husband properly," he must meet the family's financial needs. Even if they, the women, have the financial means to take care of themselves and/or cover part of the household's expenses, they see their earnings as a supplement, a "boost" for the household. The money they earn is intended first and foremost for their own needs. "You have to help them (...) but it's not an obligation, it's just symbolic, to help him," says Mame Awa. "The woman should not spend a penny on the household, it's written in the Koran." The Burkinabe women are more of the view that they should share the expenses or at least pay some of them. As Odile put it, "For it to work on the money side, there really must be some

• exchange. There are men who don't want to see their wife spending, they say

they are responsible and they should do everything. But the wife, she should always add something. (...) They should help each other." Mariam also thought that "In general they say the husband must pay for food and the wife help him for water, electricity, but there are many couples where the wife's income is just for her clothes (...) But I think couples should help each other." For these women, sharing expenses would give them control over how the money they earn is used. Because in fact, as we saw before, they have very little faith in men.

12 In both Dakar and Ouagadougou, the women thought the children's upbringing was an area where sharing was necessary. But sharing with a strong element of complementarity, each partner having their own natural role. Odile said, "Child-related tasks, it really takes two to raise children. We mothers need a man, someone who can shout at the children and really make them obey." Salimata added,"(...) I want a man who manages the children's upbringing, I want him to be a religious guide and an example to my children and to be present for their leisure moments (and their homework). But good education depends on the mother being available. According to Mariam, "Both the man and the woman raise a child, but the woman is (even so) the foundation; when the woman is not there, a child's upbringing can mess up completely." Conclusion By spotlighting single women household heads, a group that has been passed over in research on family dynamics in West Africa, this article adds to the understanding

• f the changes under way in these societies. The women concerned undeniably

personify a shift in women's roles. Each in their own way, they are circumventing the dictates that make women into social minors. In Ouagadougou, they choose to live

• n their own and claim a position in the family that is most unusual for a woman of

their marital status. In Dakar, where social control is stronger, including over women's sexuality, they deviate from the norm by postponing marriage. The experience of these marginal women casts a clear light on the prevailing social norms and how those norms are changing. The stigma against staying single is stronger in Dakar than in Ouagadougou, so women's experiences in the two towns are not the same. The Senegalese women in our sample were under stronger and more open pressure to marry; that made life harder for them, and they could not conceive of a future except as wives and mothers. The Burkinabe women, perhaps because they were already mothers, were less apprehensive at the thought of remaining single. These women were proud of their educational and occupational achievements and were strongly attached to their financial independence. In fact, their situations were

• nly bearable because they redistributed part of their incomes to their kin (ageing

parents, younger brother and sisters still studying). Even more than the Ouagadougou women, the Dakar women saw their singlehood as a "temporary status" (Antoine & Nanitelamio, 1991), and hoped to find an "understanding" husband who would not prevent his wife from working: an "open- minded" husband as the Dakar women put it, or a "battler" as the Ouagadougou women said. The Dakar women wanted to be good wives, "taking good care of (their) husbands" who, for their part, should provide for the family. The Ouagadougou women were less firmly set on marriage but just as imbued with the vision of a "complementary" couple where the woman takes care of the home and is there for her children, while the man is freer than his wife but must nonetheless be a "model" and a battler. The Ouagadougou women also seemed readier to contribute to the household budget, certainly in order to retain control over it. Our findings show that in both cities, being highly educated and/or enjoying

• ccupational success enables women to break free of dependence on men, whether

male kin or husbands. These assets give them more options in their choice of a future spouse, but do not override social expectations regarding marriage and motherhood – expectations that these women share.

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15 Annex Table 2: Profiles of the women interviewed

DAKAR

First name Age Family situation Residential situation Education Occupation Ndeye Awa 37 No children Father, a teacher, died when Ndeye Awa was in her last year at primary

• school. Mother a housewife; 3 sisters,

5 brothers Had taken an apartment a few years earlier, where she also housed her young sister, who has since

• married. The husband does not live there but pays

the rent. Bac+2 (journalism) Was project head (associations and international organizations); has just started her own business (trade) Mame Awa 30 Mother of a girl born in 2014 (2 yrs

• ld).

Father a migrant in Mauritania, mother a housewife, both deceased; 4 sisters Lives with her elder sister (married with children), who lets her a room in her flat. Master's in sociology (UCAD) Consulting and small-scale trade Mame Diarra 33 No children. Father an accountant, mother a housewife, both deceased; 3 brothers and 3 sisters. Lives in the family home with her brothers, one of whom works (both parents are deceased). Her sisters are all married and live elsewhere. She pays for all household provisions (plus the maid's wages and a large part of the renovation work on the house). Did not complete her post- graduate sociology degree at UCAD Works for a survey firm Salimata 30 No children. Father, deceased, worked for electricity utility; mother a housewife; 4 brothers and 4 sisters. Lives with her mother (a housewife) and brothers. But she makes a significant contribution to covering household expenses. Bac+3 Health ministry communication department

OUAGADOUGOU

First name Age Family situation Residential situation Education Occupation Mariam 31 1 child, age 8. Father a veterinary assistant; mother sells porridge; 2 younger brothers. Master's in sociology Contracts (consulting?) Aicha 36 2 children. Father a grade 2 civil servant; mother a housewife; 3 brothers, 1 sister. BTS diploma in accounting Bank manager Odile 34 1 child (in first year of secondary school). Father in trade; mother a housewife; 1 brother, 4 sisters. BTS diploma in hotel management Runs a sort of hotel-restaurant on her

• wn account

Hortense 35 Mother of a 3-year-old girl. Father a civil servant (higher education); mother a housewife; 13 children (6 by same mother; father has had 3 wives). Master's in economics Tax inspector